When the clock doesn’t stop ticking- Living beyond the timeline they gave me

Hey Warriors,

Ten years ago, I was given six months to live.

Just six.

But then came my LVAD, this battery-powered, hum-filled, heartbeat-saving miracle, and suddenly, I wasn’t counting down anymore. I was living. I was breathing without a finish line. For the first time in a long time, I could look at a calendar without flinching. I could make plans without silently wondering, “Will I still be here?”

That shift, from surviving to living, sounds like it should come with a party, right? Confetti? A banner? At the very least, a sheet cake?

But no one really prepares you for what happens after you’re no longer dying. You just… keep going. And that’s beautiful. But it’s also weird.

Because suddenly, I had to rebuild a life I had started quietly letting go of.

There’s no manual for this part, the part where you outlive the fear, outgrow the limitations, and outshine the shadow they told you would follow you forever.

Do you know how strange it is to try and make a 10-year plan when you once couldn’t make it past next Thursday?

It’s a sacred kind of awkward. A clumsy reinvention. Like trying to jump back into a dance after the music stopped years ago, except now you’ve got wires and a battery pack to keep in sync.

But I’m learning.

I’m learning how to want things again.

How to dream.

How to say “yes” to the future without bracing for disappointment.

One little LVADventure at a time.

I’m learning to stop asking “How much time do I have?”

And start asking “How do I want to spend the time I’ve been given?”

If you’re here too, still standing, still hoping, still figuring out how to live beyond what they expected, I see you. I celebrate you. And I’m walking right alongside you.

We don’t owe the world an explanation for why we’re still here.

But we do get to decide what to do with the gift of being here.

Let’s make it count. Let’s make it ours. Let’s make it beautiful.

“I’m learning to stop asking ‘How much time do I have?’ and start asking ‘How do I want to spend the time I’ve been given?’”

With Heart,

💙 Phoenix